Diet Dr. Pepper needs a support group

They do exist!


While I wonder at the necessity for a support group for beings whom people don't believe exist (seems to me all you'd have to do is something highly embarrassing and/or illegal and make sure someone is filming it) I figured there just wasn't enough to write about without me having to resort to just removing my suspension of disbelief and that gets old after a while. What I don't like is how Santa is such a jerk. You mean to tell me that a guy who gets to have a huge beard, an army of little people making toys and only has to travel for work 1 day a year and most importantly, was put on trial in a New York City courtroom because the burden of proof of his existence was on him and a little girl is going to be a jerk to a Dr. Pepper salesman? He of all people (fairies? unique sentient beings?) I'd expect that type of behavior from the leprechaun or bigfoot (I'd rather expect bigfoot to just eat the Dr. Pepper salesman but you get the idea) rather than Santa whose job it is hand out the crap he makes for free to children who do actually deserve it. That's what his list is for. Plus, as an old man he probably has to worry about diabetes and should probably be supporting diet soft drinks to keep his insulin levels normal. Think of the tragedy if he went into a coma while driving the sleigh. Imagine nine reindeer, a sleigh, a big fat guy, and a huge bag of toys crashing into anything. I'm surprised Santa hasn't had a heart attack yet from the scares.

Second, that is overall the crappiest support group I've ever seen, even worse than the one Dave Chappelle's character goes to in Half Baked Even after the Easter Bunny tries it and his sugar addled brain likes it the group continues to make fun of him. It's fairy tale characters like them that make other fairy tale characters go crazy and shoot up a fairy tale day care or fairy tale senior center.