Sometime in the future...
I've been meaning to write about this (and this type) of commercial for a while now. Its a clever trick to have a commercial set in the future. It creates the perfect opportunity to showcase what you want people to believe your product can do without actually having to show it to prove it. At least with something like the Sham-wow you can at least blame the commercial when it doesn't pick up spills like promised. ("But on the commercial everything was dry!") The funny thing is, we are immediately skeptical of the commercial that shows a particular product doing what it's supposed to do (infomercial really, there is an aesthetic to it that just seems to scream "I'M LYING AND THIS IS ONLY A TRICK OF THE CAMERA!, you know what I'm talking about. RIP Billy Mays) but if we watch a commercial that clearly shows what a product cannot do, because the technology they're showing (like instant video-conferencing with a doctor on fancy see through touch screen) doesn't yet exist most of us won't blink an eye.
Of course it is rather boring to show someone typing something into a computer and then writing down the result. I guess when its that or being able to watch a doctor stare at the lower back of a hot girl with poor decision making skills, I guess it's the bright bright future after all.
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Diet Dr. Pepper needs a support group
They do exist!
While I wonder at the necessity for a support group for beings whom people don't believe exist (seems to me all you'd have to do is something highly embarrassing and/or illegal and make sure someone is filming it) I figured there just wasn't enough to write about without me having to resort to just removing my suspension of disbelief and that gets old after a while. What I don't like is how Santa is such a jerk. You mean to tell me that a guy who gets to have a huge beard, an army of little people making toys and only has to travel for work 1 day a year and most importantly, was put on trial in a New York City courtroom because the burden of proof of his existence was on him and a little girl is going to be a jerk to a Dr. Pepper salesman? He of all people (fairies? unique sentient beings?) I'd expect that type of behavior from the leprechaun or bigfoot (I'd rather expect bigfoot to just eat the Dr. Pepper salesman but you get the idea) rather than Santa whose job it is hand out the crap he makes for free to children who do actually deserve it. That's what his list is for. Plus, as an old man he probably has to worry about diabetes and should probably be supporting diet soft drinks to keep his insulin levels normal. Think of the tragedy if he went into a coma while driving the sleigh. Imagine nine reindeer, a sleigh, a big fat guy, and a huge bag of toys crashing into anything. I'm surprised Santa hasn't had a heart attack yet from the scares.
Second, that is overall the crappiest support group I've ever seen, even worse than the one Dave Chappelle's character goes to in Half Baked Even after the Easter Bunny tries it and his sugar addled brain likes it the group continues to make fun of him. It's fairy tale characters like them that make other fairy tale characters go crazy and shoot up a fairy tale day care or fairy tale senior center.
While I wonder at the necessity for a support group for beings whom people don't believe exist (seems to me all you'd have to do is something highly embarrassing and/or illegal and make sure someone is filming it) I figured there just wasn't enough to write about without me having to resort to just removing my suspension of disbelief and that gets old after a while. What I don't like is how Santa is such a jerk. You mean to tell me that a guy who gets to have a huge beard, an army of little people making toys and only has to travel for work 1 day a year and most importantly, was put on trial in a New York City courtroom because the burden of proof of his existence was on him and a little girl is going to be a jerk to a Dr. Pepper salesman? He of all people (fairies? unique sentient beings?) I'd expect that type of behavior from the leprechaun or bigfoot (I'd rather expect bigfoot to just eat the Dr. Pepper salesman but you get the idea) rather than Santa whose job it is hand out the crap he makes for free to children who do actually deserve it. That's what his list is for. Plus, as an old man he probably has to worry about diabetes and should probably be supporting diet soft drinks to keep his insulin levels normal. Think of the tragedy if he went into a coma while driving the sleigh. Imagine nine reindeer, a sleigh, a big fat guy, and a huge bag of toys crashing into anything. I'm surprised Santa hasn't had a heart attack yet from the scares.
Second, that is overall the crappiest support group I've ever seen, even worse than the one Dave Chappelle's character goes to in Half Baked Even after the Easter Bunny tries it and his sugar addled brain likes it the group continues to make fun of him. It's fairy tale characters like them that make other fairy tale characters go crazy and shoot up a fairy tale day care or fairy tale senior center.
BAKUGAN!
Ah kid's commercials -
Bakugan - which is apparently a game of some kind.
This commercial's basic message is that it doesn't matter if the game you're playing makes any sense, especially when you take out the cool animation of your pieces coming to life and battling before your eyes but rather that if you buy the game the local dojo will let you rent out their space you can use your game to basically have a kid's version of fight club (don't talk about it). Ah youth, to have your parents buy you a game with a million convoluted rules and then hope that all your friends parents did the same. And also that this time you get on the cool toy train before it leaves the station and you don't look like an idiot for still being into pogs in fifth grade. Sorry, I might be projecting a little bit into that last sentence.
Bakugan - which is apparently a game of some kind.
This commercial's basic message is that it doesn't matter if the game you're playing makes any sense, especially when you take out the cool animation of your pieces coming to life and battling before your eyes but rather that if you buy the game the local dojo will let you rent out their space you can use your game to basically have a kid's version of fight club (don't talk about it). Ah youth, to have your parents buy you a game with a million convoluted rules and then hope that all your friends parents did the same. And also that this time you get on the cool toy train before it leaves the station and you don't look like an idiot for still being into pogs in fifth grade. Sorry, I might be projecting a little bit into that last sentence.
Friday, September 4, 2009
Hershey's factory of evil
"It's just like Willie Wonka, but no Oompa Loompas!"
Ah! The life of a Hershey Kiss, flowing wistfully along the factory being wrapped up in foil and even given a little ribbon to fly like a flag as if to say "Behold! I am a Hershey Kiss! I am more special than all others" then paraded in front of one's peers and sent out to that big world where dreams are...wait. Why is that small child picking the kiss up and just throwing it casually to his mother where...OH MY GOD! SHE'S EATING HIM! WHY DIDN'T THEY TELL HIM! THE BASTARDS SET THIS UP SO HE WOULD DIE! IT'S A HERSHEY KISS HOLOCAUST AND THEY'RE BEING LED LIKE LAMBS TO THE SLAUGHTER!
...
Now that I've had some time to calm down I would like to point out that this is a type of food marketing whereby the food being eaten is more than happy to be consumed by the customer. Normally this only slightly bothers me when it's animals that are doing the advertisting (for an example look up any barbecue restaurant, about half of the have a pig as a mascot. Look here, here, and here, the last one coming from me typing "barbecue restaurant" into a google image search and picking about the fourth or fifth result) because while we should be thankful for the animals that give us meat I don't necessarily want them to be smiling or taunting me while I'm eating their kin. I guess I'm a moral coward. Anyway the point of this commercial is that its fun to be a Hershey Kiss and thats why we have this fantasy of what it would be like to be a kiss and go through the most awesome factory in the world. Unfortunately we have people in the world like George Orwell, Aldous Huxley and Sylvester Stallone's John Spartan in "Demolition Man" to prove that when society lives in a utopia such as this it usually means that everything actually sucks. It seems a fitting expose of a company whose advertising would lead us to believe that their chocolate product can make music and ice skate.
I think this should serve as a lesson to all food manufacturers. Don't make it look like your food is happy to be eaten. It just creeps out your customers who in their personal lives don't want to be eaten.
Ah! The life of a Hershey Kiss, flowing wistfully along the factory being wrapped up in foil and even given a little ribbon to fly like a flag as if to say "Behold! I am a Hershey Kiss! I am more special than all others" then paraded in front of one's peers and sent out to that big world where dreams are...wait. Why is that small child picking the kiss up and just throwing it casually to his mother where...OH MY GOD! SHE'S EATING HIM! WHY DIDN'T THEY TELL HIM! THE BASTARDS SET THIS UP SO HE WOULD DIE! IT'S A HERSHEY KISS HOLOCAUST AND THEY'RE BEING LED LIKE LAMBS TO THE SLAUGHTER!
...
Now that I've had some time to calm down I would like to point out that this is a type of food marketing whereby the food being eaten is more than happy to be consumed by the customer. Normally this only slightly bothers me when it's animals that are doing the advertisting (for an example look up any barbecue restaurant, about half of the have a pig as a mascot. Look here, here, and here, the last one coming from me typing "barbecue restaurant" into a google image search and picking about the fourth or fifth result) because while we should be thankful for the animals that give us meat I don't necessarily want them to be smiling or taunting me while I'm eating their kin. I guess I'm a moral coward. Anyway the point of this commercial is that its fun to be a Hershey Kiss and thats why we have this fantasy of what it would be like to be a kiss and go through the most awesome factory in the world. Unfortunately we have people in the world like George Orwell, Aldous Huxley and Sylvester Stallone's John Spartan in "Demolition Man" to prove that when society lives in a utopia such as this it usually means that everything actually sucks. It seems a fitting expose of a company whose advertising would lead us to believe that their chocolate product can make music and ice skate.
I think this should serve as a lesson to all food manufacturers. Don't make it look like your food is happy to be eaten. It just creeps out your customers who in their personal lives don't want to be eaten.
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Best Buy's own version of "The Shining"
wait until about the 0:26 mark.
http://bestbuytruestories.comSeriously, the shot with Charles poking out from behind the tree and smiling makes me think that he has an axe in
his hand and he's gearing up to say "Heeeeeeeeeere's Charles!". I only saw this commercial actually on tv about one and a
half times but as you can tell it has so haunted my dreams (nightmares really) that I was forced to look it up dredging the internet and
reliving horror after horror of watching vaguely 30-something year old men laugh about their salesmanship conquests. I wasn't really paying attention until the dude pops out of the christmas tree and into my mind for months to come.
Monday, August 24, 2009
Free Credit Reports > Love
freecreditreport.com has done a pretty good job with their glut of commercials with those dudes who play pop music about the lead singer (and apparently his bandmates as well) and his not-so-good financial decisions. Except for this commercial here which is about his wife's bad credit rating. This is the first song I saw (I think it was the first one they did. I'm not sure) and it wasn't until awhile ago that I realized that the singer is so shook up about his wife's bad credit that he wished he never married her. So ladies, make sure the man you marry either knows a little bit about you and financial history, which assuming your marriage wasn't the result of some misguided decision making while exploring fabulous Las Vegas you have probably spent some time with your beau and would have probably covered the whole sharing of finances thing during the engagement. This apparently didn't happen with the couple in question. Good thing that he is dealing with the regret by being passive-aggressive and singing a song about his woe while his wife is doing housework all around him. You really picked a winner there lady! Maybe the wife is deaf and thats a way for him to actually deal with it privately without annoying anyone. Frankly, I'd like to imagine that I could deal with all of my marital stresses by being able to get two other guys to help me sing about what would piss me off about my wife. Next, when we consider the arc of the story that these songs string together (and you can watch them all on youtube if you please) then he is being a hypocrite for lambasting his wife's bad credit when all the rest of the songs are about his bad credit. Maybe the tendency to reach for the credit cards was contagious and he then felt compelled to make bad financial decisions later in life and is now paying his debts by becoming the bard of a website that doesn't actually help you with your credit rating, but rather just lets you know if you suck or not.
"Baby I love you, but you and your low score have got to go"
"Baby I love you, but you and your low score have got to go"
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Chef Boyardee is good (for you)
Now, I don't have children but I do have parents. And I'm sure there are plenty of things they have and would like to keep secret. They have had, or have perfectly valid reasons to hide things from me. Most of the time when I found out a secret it wasn't that mom and dad were going to surprise me with a secret half-birthday trip to disney world but rather something that sucked. Like Santa not being real. Or that "Adult" sleepovers were a lot different from the ones I had. So now if I figure out that if my parents have a secret I work as hard as I can to not find out. Secrets really are the very essence of Adulthood. Children blurt out things all the time because they can't see how words and knowledge can hurt, everything they take in they believe to be beneficial as good parents stress that knowledge is power. Unfortunately that is true but kids don't know the corollary that power hurts even those who wield it.
Now since my parents wanted the best for me and that included keeping secrets that would harm my perfectly innocent world-view they knew that in order to keep a secret one of the first steps would be to not put information on the table that would reveal the secret on the kitchen table while I'm eating dinner. Seriously.
Now, I don't have children but I do have parents. And I'm sure there are plenty of things they have and would like to keep secret. They have had, or have perfectly valid reasons to hide things from me. Most of the time when I found out a secret it wasn't that mom and dad were going to surprise me with a secret half-birthday trip to disney world but rather something that sucked. Like Santa not being real. Or that "Adult" sleepovers were a lot different from the ones I had. So now if I figure out that if my parents have a secret I work as hard as I can to not find out. Secrets really are the very essence of Adulthood. Children blurt out things all the time because they can't see how words and knowledge can hurt, everything they take in they believe to be beneficial as good parents stress that knowledge is power. Unfortunately that is true but kids don't know the corollary that power hurts even those who wield it.
Now since my parents wanted the best for me and that included keeping secrets that would harm my perfectly innocent world-view they knew that in order to keep a secret one of the first steps would be to not put information on the table that would reveal the secret on the kitchen table while I'm eating dinner. Seriously.
Sunday, July 26, 2009
What your "Fun" says about you
Latest I've seen in D&B's "Fun" Campaign.
Dave & Buster's has started this ad campaign using your "Fun" which is a little mini-you that looks like you and follows you around and talks to much. Kind of like a child or younger sibling except that this commercial shows that they are apparently allowed to drink, albeit in mini-mugs(and then get mini-drunk but refuse to get in a mini-taxi and try driving home in their mini-minicar and mini-kill someone innocent, how long will we let Dave and Busters promote their campaign of death?). Anyway, watching the commercial that I posted above got me thinking about how far I can stretch out the idea of having your "Fun" becoming a dis-embodied piece of you. If the date goes really well and the guy ends up staying with the girl that night what do their respective Funs do? Are they contractually (is their a contract? Is your Fun born with you? You see where I'm taking this) obligated to participate in the same manner as their counterparts? What if the relationship takes off does that mean the Funs are stuck together? Can one couple break up and the other stay together? What sort of Freudian analysis is there when you break up but your Funs stay together? I think it'd be worse with the opposite since your Fun obviously sees that it doesn't work with the other person and is probably sitting around wondering why you're still fooling with the other person. What if your therapist's Fun gives your Fun a different diagnosis.
On to the commercial at hand though. The thing I noticed is that when the guy comes to the door and the girl opens up its clear that she was preparing to not have fun. But she wasn't going to bring her fun because she assumed the guy wasn't going to bring his Fun, and they'd do something lame like go to a movie on their first date. I hope I never meet this girl and subsequently want to date her. If I was that dude that would send a huge flare for me about how this relationship might pan out. I'd play it cool and then drop something like this on her, "hey so remember when you thought I'd be so lame that you even told your fun to go ahead and stay home tonight?" and then I then I get up and leave and make her pick up the tab. I'm a charmer though so I don't know if that would work for everyone.
So lesson learned, always bring your Fun along because you never know when the next guy you date actually isn't insufferably lame and knows what to do to have a good time. As long as a good time to both you and him is basically an adult Chuck E. Cheese where you don't even get to gamble.
Dave & Buster's has started this ad campaign using your "Fun" which is a little mini-you that looks like you and follows you around and talks to much. Kind of like a child or younger sibling except that this commercial shows that they are apparently allowed to drink, albeit in mini-mugs(and then get mini-drunk but refuse to get in a mini-taxi and try driving home in their mini-minicar and mini-kill someone innocent, how long will we let Dave and Busters promote their campaign of death?). Anyway, watching the commercial that I posted above got me thinking about how far I can stretch out the idea of having your "Fun" becoming a dis-embodied piece of you. If the date goes really well and the guy ends up staying with the girl that night what do their respective Funs do? Are they contractually (is their a contract? Is your Fun born with you? You see where I'm taking this) obligated to participate in the same manner as their counterparts? What if the relationship takes off does that mean the Funs are stuck together? Can one couple break up and the other stay together? What sort of Freudian analysis is there when you break up but your Funs stay together? I think it'd be worse with the opposite since your Fun obviously sees that it doesn't work with the other person and is probably sitting around wondering why you're still fooling with the other person. What if your therapist's Fun gives your Fun a different diagnosis.
On to the commercial at hand though. The thing I noticed is that when the guy comes to the door and the girl opens up its clear that she was preparing to not have fun. But she wasn't going to bring her fun because she assumed the guy wasn't going to bring his Fun, and they'd do something lame like go to a movie on their first date. I hope I never meet this girl and subsequently want to date her. If I was that dude that would send a huge flare for me about how this relationship might pan out. I'd play it cool and then drop something like this on her, "hey so remember when you thought I'd be so lame that you even told your fun to go ahead and stay home tonight?" and then I then I get up and leave and make her pick up the tab. I'm a charmer though so I don't know if that would work for everyone.
So lesson learned, always bring your Fun along because you never know when the next guy you date actually isn't insufferably lame and knows what to do to have a good time. As long as a good time to both you and him is basically an adult Chuck E. Cheese where you don't even get to gamble.
Monday, July 20, 2009
Toilet Paper for Dogs
I thought this ad was surely about dog food at first,
But instead of dog food it is apparently an ad for doggy toilet paper. At least that's what I actually thought for about five seconds after I first saw this commercial. Turns out that Cottonelle is still making toilet paper for humans only. Sorry dogs of the world you'll just have to be content with wiping your butts across the carpet and somehow convincing human "masters" to pick up your poop and carry it around in a bag.
But the question I would really like to ask is if a dog really the best mascot for advertising the fancy life they promise with the use of their toilet paper? I mean, I just pointed out how dogs have it made but they have it made because their usually so blissfully unaware and full of life (read: happily dumb) that anything makes them happy. This commercial however makes it look like it'd even be hard for Leona Helmsley's dog to keep up with this dog's lifestyle. Again, dogs are happy but uncomplicated. That's why they're so popular. The voice-over talks about how Cottonelle is the product you want "when you demand the very best". The great thing about dogs is that they don't really demand anything and they gladly accept what you give them. I think I would have not asked these questions about the commercial if they chose a cat but I think cottonelle was being diplomatic in trying not to make their commercial more ammunition in the great "Cat People vs. Dog People" wars.
Regardless, this commercial is just another chapter in a long series of commercials that feature animals selling a product that is definitely humans only. There's no real connection between puppies (or bears) and toilet paper and uses soft and pleasant (again, bears are neither soft nor particularly pleasant though I like considering the subversive element Charmin takes with their bears asking the question "Do you use Charmin?" and hoping the bears will answer: "Don't I poop in the woods?" layers-within-layers, those people at Charmin are geniuses) so Cottonelle is hoping that you'll make a connection that they're toilet paper is fluffy and soft and will make your butt feel better and cleaner just as if you wiped your butt with a puppy.
But instead of dog food it is apparently an ad for doggy toilet paper. At least that's what I actually thought for about five seconds after I first saw this commercial. Turns out that Cottonelle is still making toilet paper for humans only. Sorry dogs of the world you'll just have to be content with wiping your butts across the carpet and somehow convincing human "masters" to pick up your poop and carry it around in a bag.
But the question I would really like to ask is if a dog really the best mascot for advertising the fancy life they promise with the use of their toilet paper? I mean, I just pointed out how dogs have it made but they have it made because their usually so blissfully unaware and full of life (read: happily dumb) that anything makes them happy. This commercial however makes it look like it'd even be hard for Leona Helmsley's dog to keep up with this dog's lifestyle. Again, dogs are happy but uncomplicated. That's why they're so popular. The voice-over talks about how Cottonelle is the product you want "when you demand the very best". The great thing about dogs is that they don't really demand anything and they gladly accept what you give them. I think I would have not asked these questions about the commercial if they chose a cat but I think cottonelle was being diplomatic in trying not to make their commercial more ammunition in the great "Cat People vs. Dog People" wars.
Regardless, this commercial is just another chapter in a long series of commercials that feature animals selling a product that is definitely humans only. There's no real connection between puppies (or bears) and toilet paper and uses soft and pleasant (again, bears are neither soft nor particularly pleasant though I like considering the subversive element Charmin takes with their bears asking the question "Do you use Charmin?" and hoping the bears will answer: "Don't I poop in the woods?" layers-within-layers, those people at Charmin are geniuses) so Cottonelle is hoping that you'll make a connection that they're toilet paper is fluffy and soft and will make your butt feel better and cleaner just as if you wiped your butt with a puppy.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
The Travel Channel is trying to kill us
Bite Me - Travel Channel's new show.
Alright so this is more about the show than anything about the commercial but sometimes I feel like its my moral and ethical obligation to ask the question; What the hell is Travel Channel thinking? Maybe they're just trying to make up for the fact that their channel is really just a thinly veiled advertisement for all the places they go. Don't get me wrong, I love to watch the Travel Channel, but seriously they should try doing away with the commercials they have and get the places they feature to just underwrite the shows.
That said, I don't see how they thought this was a good idea. The show is basically ennumerating reasons for me to not to go to these places. The example above is basically saying "Want to die? Come to Vietnam!" So, basically the same sort of idea when recruiting for the Vietnam War.
I like to think that whoever came up with the idea for this show thought to themselves "well I'm sure there are a lot of smart people looking for a show like Jackass that caters to their higher intellectual standard and that Steve Irwin guy sure got a lot of respect after he died so lets see if we can make this work for Mike Leahy, he is a doctor after all."
Now watch this show become a wild success and force other networks to have their stars endure torture from Mother Nature ("This week on AC360: "Snakes biting Anderson Cooper" will he survive?) and I'll admit that Travel Channel somehow made the correct call on this one. Until then I'm pretty sure I'll focus on the positives on my eventual trip to Australia, you know, the place where dying of "Natural Causes" involves something poisonous stabbing you in the heart.
Alright so this is more about the show than anything about the commercial but sometimes I feel like its my moral and ethical obligation to ask the question; What the hell is Travel Channel thinking? Maybe they're just trying to make up for the fact that their channel is really just a thinly veiled advertisement for all the places they go. Don't get me wrong, I love to watch the Travel Channel, but seriously they should try doing away with the commercials they have and get the places they feature to just underwrite the shows.
That said, I don't see how they thought this was a good idea. The show is basically ennumerating reasons for me to not to go to these places. The example above is basically saying "Want to die? Come to Vietnam!" So, basically the same sort of idea when recruiting for the Vietnam War.
I like to think that whoever came up with the idea for this show thought to themselves "well I'm sure there are a lot of smart people looking for a show like Jackass that caters to their higher intellectual standard and that Steve Irwin guy sure got a lot of respect after he died so lets see if we can make this work for Mike Leahy, he is a doctor after all."
Now watch this show become a wild success and force other networks to have their stars endure torture from Mother Nature ("This week on AC360: "Snakes biting Anderson Cooper" will he survive?) and I'll admit that Travel Channel somehow made the correct call on this one. Until then I'm pretty sure I'll focus on the positives on my eventual trip to Australia, you know, the place where dying of "Natural Causes" involves something poisonous stabbing you in the heart.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
KFC facepalm.
Kentucky Grilled Chicken -
I kind of hate to jump on the "Hate KFC for reasons beyond the quality of their food" bandwagon, not to mention all the stereotypical assumptions I could make about Fried Chicken which be among the lowest hanging fruit I could grab and is just simply over done (or I could try to push a conspiracy theory that claims KFC is trying to make black men sterile) but its not my job to talk about KFC, its my job (hobby actually) to talk about KFC's commercials. I want you to notice the type of people they use in this ad and then play the "One of These Things Is Not Like the Other" game with regards to who is not being stereotyped. I'll give you a hint: it's not the two Asian guys who are dressed up in eastern styled robes who yell random accented English words while making vague karate moves while holding a bucket of chicken.
Seriously, everyone else in the commercial is dressed like a typical American (Middle-class) with a typical American accent (read: non-descript) and act as normal as you can be when presented with ten pieces of grilled meat in a bucket despite the fact that our whole lives we've been conditioned to accept that any meat that comes in a bucket must by nature, be fried. KFC I think I can speak for all of us when I say, our minds are blown at your bold proposal of putting un-fried meats in a bucket. I'm sure the Colonel is rolling in his grave.
But seriously, did you have to dress the Asian guys up to get across your point that you have changed your chicken? You seem to have the general conventions for the aesthetics of a commercial like this (taking an established product, then adding something new, and giving it out to "test" reactions) laid down. You have cute, diverse kids and a couple who I assume are married or at least very committed to one another in some way. You even have two sets of twins to register that "OMG! Their twins and its so cute when they say the same thing at the same time because their twins and thats what twins are supposed to do on TV!" synapse in the brain that has been firing ever since we've been deciding if the movie The Parent Trap isn't that far-fetched after all.
The best part about this whole thing is not that KFC somehow has gotten away with slipping in one of the most blatant race caricatures this side of the Frito Bandito, but rather that the commercial is telling you to "Unthink". Presumably you're supposed to be unthinking about how your chicken is prepared but that point is never really made explicitly. Though, "Unthink" does however kind of makes sense when I consider how much unthinking KFC's ad team must have done to have created this commercial.
I kind of hate to jump on the "Hate KFC for reasons beyond the quality of their food" bandwagon, not to mention all the stereotypical assumptions I could make about Fried Chicken which be among the lowest hanging fruit I could grab and is just simply over done (or I could try to push a conspiracy theory that claims KFC is trying to make black men sterile) but its not my job to talk about KFC, its my job (hobby actually) to talk about KFC's commercials. I want you to notice the type of people they use in this ad and then play the "One of These Things Is Not Like the Other" game with regards to who is not being stereotyped. I'll give you a hint: it's not the two Asian guys who are dressed up in eastern styled robes who yell random accented English words while making vague karate moves while holding a bucket of chicken.
Seriously, everyone else in the commercial is dressed like a typical American (Middle-class) with a typical American accent (read: non-descript) and act as normal as you can be when presented with ten pieces of grilled meat in a bucket despite the fact that our whole lives we've been conditioned to accept that any meat that comes in a bucket must by nature, be fried. KFC I think I can speak for all of us when I say, our minds are blown at your bold proposal of putting un-fried meats in a bucket. I'm sure the Colonel is rolling in his grave.
But seriously, did you have to dress the Asian guys up to get across your point that you have changed your chicken? You seem to have the general conventions for the aesthetics of a commercial like this (taking an established product, then adding something new, and giving it out to "test" reactions) laid down. You have cute, diverse kids and a couple who I assume are married or at least very committed to one another in some way. You even have two sets of twins to register that "OMG! Their twins and its so cute when they say the same thing at the same time because their twins and thats what twins are supposed to do on TV!" synapse in the brain that has been firing ever since we've been deciding if the movie The Parent Trap isn't that far-fetched after all.
The best part about this whole thing is not that KFC somehow has gotten away with slipping in one of the most blatant race caricatures this side of the Frito Bandito, but rather that the commercial is telling you to "Unthink". Presumably you're supposed to be unthinking about how your chicken is prepared but that point is never really made explicitly. Though, "Unthink" does however kind of makes sense when I consider how much unthinking KFC's ad team must have done to have created this commercial.
Monday, July 13, 2009
Bing.com - A search engine for people who can type but can't read
Bing.com - Microsoft's new search engine
Ah the internet, an invention that is capable of granting freedom and enslaving us in captivity. We can potentially learn anything but yet this overabundance of information can also cripple us with information overload. Bing.com understands our dilemma. How often have I been looking up information about breakfast foods and accidentally typed in a word like "club" after "breakfast" and spent hours mistakenly looking at pictures of Emilio Estevez thinking it was bacon the whole time. Its not that I don't think Bing.com is a competent search engine (the two times I've used it I've gotten the exact same results as Google) its just that I have faith in the average consumer to know the difference between Plasma in blood and plasma TVs and have the ability to type that difference into a search engine. Add to the fact that I only sometimes completely derail a conversation to talk about something is rather due to the fact that I rarely listen to other people and not because I read Wikipedia too much and somehow ended up on an article about Disney Princesses when I started on Bowie Knives.
The people at Bing.com are making the (admittedly sometimes correct) assumption that people who use search engines are incapable of taking time to read what they typed and make sure that they are using specific language about what it is their searching and rather just type in random word associations hoping that they'll somehow remember what it was they were looking for in the first place. Almost like how TV news pundits frame their arguments a lot of times. It seems then that Bing.com isn't actually promising to provide smart people with a better search engine but rather curb dumb people's chances to do something moronic. Bing.com isn't trying to make your life easier they're trying to prevent you from hurting yourself too badly.
Ah the internet, an invention that is capable of granting freedom and enslaving us in captivity. We can potentially learn anything but yet this overabundance of information can also cripple us with information overload. Bing.com understands our dilemma. How often have I been looking up information about breakfast foods and accidentally typed in a word like "club" after "breakfast" and spent hours mistakenly looking at pictures of Emilio Estevez thinking it was bacon the whole time. Its not that I don't think Bing.com is a competent search engine (the two times I've used it I've gotten the exact same results as Google) its just that I have faith in the average consumer to know the difference between Plasma in blood and plasma TVs and have the ability to type that difference into a search engine. Add to the fact that I only sometimes completely derail a conversation to talk about something is rather due to the fact that I rarely listen to other people and not because I read Wikipedia too much and somehow ended up on an article about Disney Princesses when I started on Bowie Knives.
The people at Bing.com are making the (admittedly sometimes correct) assumption that people who use search engines are incapable of taking time to read what they typed and make sure that they are using specific language about what it is their searching and rather just type in random word associations hoping that they'll somehow remember what it was they were looking for in the first place. Almost like how TV news pundits frame their arguments a lot of times. It seems then that Bing.com isn't actually promising to provide smart people with a better search engine but rather curb dumb people's chances to do something moronic. Bing.com isn't trying to make your life easier they're trying to prevent you from hurting yourself too badly.
Ally Bank fights for his friends and doesn't afraid of anything
Ally Bank - Not douchebags.
First off, when I read Ally Bank it sounds like a bad stripper name. But apparently its also the name of a bank that wants to ally with you in your personal quest to destroy Hitler or something. Anyway, Ally Bank wants to stress that they don't want to screw you over. To prove this point they've created a series of commercials that try to point out that the way banks treat you wouldn't fly in front of a kid so why does the average consumer put up with it? Here the guy gives a toy pony to one girl but a real one to the other. When the toy-pony girl wonders about her gift the adult just looks at her and like a typical douchebag banker says "well you didn't ask." This goes along with Ally Bank's premise that most bankers are douchebags. The thing that strikes me odd about the commercial though is that I don't hear the other little girl ask that her pony be a real one. She gives the exact same answer as the other little girl. So why does she get the pony? Aside from the fact that Ally Bank just wants to show how other banks want to bend you over. Are they saying other banks are racist because they pick the fairer skinned girl (which would maybe work if Ally Bank did pick their name because they actually do hate the Nazis enough to name their bank after those allies, I could be over-thinking though)? Is it just that the girl who gets the real pony actually the CEO of a major American company and she promised the guy kickbacks beforehand? Is toy-pony girl a small-business owner with a badly written business plan? I can't answer these questions, it's simply my job to ask them. I know what I am going to do though. Next time I have to get a loan I'm going to tell them that I want a "real-pony" deal and see what they say. Then I'm going to see if there is already an Urban dictionary definition for a "real pony" and try to write a new one.
An aside: that could be a fun game to go on urban dictionary and try to come up with a new definition for an established slang term or colloquialism and see if the new one catches on. I'm thinking we go literal on their asses and take back "hiking the Appalachian trail" that or we try to convince people that "I'm Rick James, Bitch!"is not from Dave Chappelle and from something else. Imagine the arguments that would erupt between people who know where its from and people who just like to repeat catchphrases. This could also be applied to any quote from wedding crashers, family guy, and anything Will Ferrell has ever done.
First off, when I read Ally Bank it sounds like a bad stripper name. But apparently its also the name of a bank that wants to ally with you in your personal quest to destroy Hitler or something. Anyway, Ally Bank wants to stress that they don't want to screw you over. To prove this point they've created a series of commercials that try to point out that the way banks treat you wouldn't fly in front of a kid so why does the average consumer put up with it? Here the guy gives a toy pony to one girl but a real one to the other. When the toy-pony girl wonders about her gift the adult just looks at her and like a typical douchebag banker says "well you didn't ask." This goes along with Ally Bank's premise that most bankers are douchebags. The thing that strikes me odd about the commercial though is that I don't hear the other little girl ask that her pony be a real one. She gives the exact same answer as the other little girl. So why does she get the pony? Aside from the fact that Ally Bank just wants to show how other banks want to bend you over. Are they saying other banks are racist because they pick the fairer skinned girl (which would maybe work if Ally Bank did pick their name because they actually do hate the Nazis enough to name their bank after those allies, I could be over-thinking though)? Is it just that the girl who gets the real pony actually the CEO of a major American company and she promised the guy kickbacks beforehand? Is toy-pony girl a small-business owner with a badly written business plan? I can't answer these questions, it's simply my job to ask them. I know what I am going to do though. Next time I have to get a loan I'm going to tell them that I want a "real-pony" deal and see what they say. Then I'm going to see if there is already an Urban dictionary definition for a "real pony" and try to write a new one.
An aside: that could be a fun game to go on urban dictionary and try to come up with a new definition for an established slang term or colloquialism and see if the new one catches on. I'm thinking we go literal on their asses and take back "hiking the Appalachian trail" that or we try to convince people that "I'm Rick James, Bitch!"is not from Dave Chappelle and from something else. Imagine the arguments that would erupt between people who know where its from and people who just like to repeat catchphrases. This could also be applied to any quote from wedding crashers, family guy, and anything Will Ferrell has ever done.
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Animals want your home to smell nice.
I'd like to mention that before I actually sat down and watched this on youtube I literally had no idea what company was making these plug-ins. This might explain a lot about how I choose to live my life.
Mrs. Bunny loves a clean smelling house
So I can't embed the video b/c its disabled on youtube and it's not really worth my time right now to see if I can find one that can. I'll see if I can't do it later anyway. So what really piqued my interest wasn't this commercial which aired in England but the one with the Ant family. The Ant mommy (because the only people who care about how the house smells are the mommies) says something about how she may be small but strong. From a very early age I remember being taught that ants are very strong. It seems common knowledge. I've seen Atom Ant and all the crazy stuff he can do. (He just lifted an armored truck! Holy Crap! Look he's so small the bad guy can't see him! I'm going to go home and burn my Spiderman comics!)
I think the main thing with this series of commercials is how it really makes sense for a rabbit to be promoting something like an air freshener. I used to have rabbits as a kid. They smell. I can't really answer for other animals in the series (like ants, or an octopus) but if you're trying to sell a fragrance its probably good to use an animal to demonstrate its effectiveness. What I don't like is how utterly negligent this mommy rabbit is. She cares about a clean smelling house but doesn't bat an eye at her kid trying to use the toaster to burn the house down or her husband leaving his gym shoes in the middle of the floor and doesn't say anything when a shoe (who throws a shoe?) is thrown at a toddler. Then the camera pans out and all of her kids are leaving their shoes on the floor. Maybe Mrs. Rabbit spent less time worrying about her Airwick and more about keeping her kids in line then maybe she wouldn't have so great a need for an air freshener. Seriously Mrs. Rabbit, make the kids keep the shoes outside.
Mrs. Rabbit likes her house to smell nice but her husband to be absolutely helpless and sex crazed. It's like every family sitcom made this decade!
Mrs. Bunny loves a clean smelling house
So I can't embed the video b/c its disabled on youtube and it's not really worth my time right now to see if I can find one that can. I'll see if I can't do it later anyway. So what really piqued my interest wasn't this commercial which aired in England but the one with the Ant family. The Ant mommy (because the only people who care about how the house smells are the mommies) says something about how she may be small but strong. From a very early age I remember being taught that ants are very strong. It seems common knowledge. I've seen Atom Ant and all the crazy stuff he can do. (He just lifted an armored truck! Holy Crap! Look he's so small the bad guy can't see him! I'm going to go home and burn my Spiderman comics!)
I think the main thing with this series of commercials is how it really makes sense for a rabbit to be promoting something like an air freshener. I used to have rabbits as a kid. They smell. I can't really answer for other animals in the series (like ants, or an octopus) but if you're trying to sell a fragrance its probably good to use an animal to demonstrate its effectiveness. What I don't like is how utterly negligent this mommy rabbit is. She cares about a clean smelling house but doesn't bat an eye at her kid trying to use the toaster to burn the house down or her husband leaving his gym shoes in the middle of the floor and doesn't say anything when a shoe (who throws a shoe?) is thrown at a toddler. Then the camera pans out and all of her kids are leaving their shoes on the floor. Maybe Mrs. Rabbit spent less time worrying about her Airwick and more about keeping her kids in line then maybe she wouldn't have so great a need for an air freshener. Seriously Mrs. Rabbit, make the kids keep the shoes outside.
Mrs. Rabbit likes her house to smell nice but her husband to be absolutely helpless and sex crazed. It's like every family sitcom made this decade!
Mastercard wants you to wear jeans.
The title of the post and the commercial kind of say it all. Mastercard apparently has said their peace and made their stand. Their stand is with jeans. To back this up they use iconic photos/scenes of iconic people wearing jeans. This coupled with the fact that the pants they mention aren't good ideas for being fashionable anyway(Pleated pants? Capris? I wear Khaki Shorts though and I don't know how the Ramones could go through a show wearing those tight jeans, Maybe thats how they stayed so skinny). Clearly there is nothing more Red blooded american than wearing jeans. Conservatives like John Wayne wore them in his patriotic movies, Counter-cultural icon Santana, and Counter-Counter-Cultural icons The Ramones. Its really kind of a perfect pairing the more I think about it. Here in America we celebrate the blue-collar worker and mourn the loss of the type of life where you sit screwing bolts into something for hours at a time. But we also love unrestrained economic freedom and the Mastercard says that everybody has a chance at that. Common sense and capitalism. God bless America.
So anyway, my favorite part of the commercial is at the end where by using your mastercard you could win jeans and a trip. Naturally every time I get a new pair of jeans I get this unexplainable urge to head off to parts unknown. Since I can't always just get up and go I just use my mastercard to buy more jeans to make up for the emptiness I feel at not being well traveled. Or something like that.
EDIT: My g/f just summed my lengthy rambling thusly, "khakis? pleats? that shits for queers! buy jeans! go places!" Buy jeans or the ride warriors will tye you to the batman ride at sixflags. Seriously
DOUBLE EDIT: The more I think about this the harder it gets, what is wrong with shorts? I mean they aren't good for anything that requires any sort of formality but rarely are jeans either. Seriously, I'm going to find someone doing something important while they're wearing khaki shorts. And really as far as shorts go you're much better off with khaki than jean shorts. For a guy at least.
Auto-bots! Roll out!
Since Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is one of the summers biggest hits it naturally comes along with a lot of commercial tie-ins. Here are a couple of examples,
Burger King
LG Versa
M&M's
Now Burger King is selling all sorts of Transformers paraphenalia (especially the kid's meal toys) so naturally they'd want to emphasize this so kids and robot nerds will flock to BK and snatch up all the whoppers and kids meals they can for these collectors items. The Versa commercial makes sense because the phone is high tech and the Transformers appear high tech to us mere humans there is naturally some sort of link between the these two high tech things that we must consider when buying a new cell phone (or smart phone or whatever the hell it is, its basically a hand sized computer). The M&M's one is a little harder to pin down. Obviously they've created strawberry peanut butter M&M's with a special Transformers label for a limited time only, but beyond there is really no justification for it, unless you really are gung-ho about chocolate blending with the power of diesel then I can't see any other reason for Transformers to be promoting these new M&M's other than the fact that they came out in 2009 whereas last year they probably would have come up with some commercial involving Iron-Man or The Dark Knight. (An aside, has anyone actually heard of strawberry peanut butter? Can I find this at a store? I'm going to google it as soon as this is posted). Anyway, the best part about these commercials is how they're all structurally similar. Some human (or anthropromorphic M&M) has a difficulty and the transformer shows up and simultaneously fix and complicate the problem for the aforementioned human. The solution usually involves blowing something up and wowing the bystanders all around. So the formula that involves giant robots, explosions and product placement equals a great commercial. Since that's also basically the same formula as the movie then you could probably have inserted all three of these commercials into the actual movie and no one would have noticed. Michael Bay is a genius.
Burger King
LG Versa
M&M's
Now Burger King is selling all sorts of Transformers paraphenalia (especially the kid's meal toys) so naturally they'd want to emphasize this so kids and robot nerds will flock to BK and snatch up all the whoppers and kids meals they can for these collectors items. The Versa commercial makes sense because the phone is high tech and the Transformers appear high tech to us mere humans there is naturally some sort of link between the these two high tech things that we must consider when buying a new cell phone (or smart phone or whatever the hell it is, its basically a hand sized computer). The M&M's one is a little harder to pin down. Obviously they've created strawberry peanut butter M&M's with a special Transformers label for a limited time only, but beyond there is really no justification for it, unless you really are gung-ho about chocolate blending with the power of diesel then I can't see any other reason for Transformers to be promoting these new M&M's other than the fact that they came out in 2009 whereas last year they probably would have come up with some commercial involving Iron-Man or The Dark Knight. (An aside, has anyone actually heard of strawberry peanut butter? Can I find this at a store? I'm going to google it as soon as this is posted). Anyway, the best part about these commercials is how they're all structurally similar. Some human (or anthropromorphic M&M) has a difficulty and the transformer shows up and simultaneously fix and complicate the problem for the aforementioned human. The solution usually involves blowing something up and wowing the bystanders all around. So the formula that involves giant robots, explosions and product placement equals a great commercial. Since that's also basically the same formula as the movie then you could probably have inserted all three of these commercials into the actual movie and no one would have noticed. Michael Bay is a genius.
King's Island Ride Warriors
With about the same intensity that you usually only get in commercials about the military and men's shaving products I give you the "Ride Warriors". In my area the Ride Warriors are promoting Kings Dominion in Richmond Va. but this particular one is for King's Island which is in Ohio. Apparently they're for different parks all over the country. There is basically nothing different about the commercial except for the stock footage of the rollercoasters for each park.
Now, the basic message of this commercial seems to be "Ride our roller coasters or else you pussy!" Which is certainly very direct approach. By smacking the viewer in the face they're hoping to remind the viewer that "Yes, I like rollercoasters and these people are telling me that because this is so, I am a bad-ass. Moreover people who perhaps don't like rollercoasters are worthy of my mistrust disdain and most likely of a disagreeable sexual orientation "
Yes, rollercoasters are extreme. Extremity comes in degrees however and it seems like this commercial is trying to come up with a concrete placement on the extremity scale. If we suppose that pet therapy with kittens at the local nursing home is at the bottom of the extremity scale and climbing mount everest during the dead of winter without oxygen and naked is at the top then riding a rollercoaster is certainly somewhere north of hanging out at base camp. Thinking about different things that the Ride Warriors could say is less extreme than a roller coaster. This led to a fun exercise my girlfriend tried out while driving around where we yelled out things less extreme than bad-ass worthy roller coasters:
"You'll think sex is overrated after these four loops of fury!"
"Like drugs? You won't anymore after the high you get from this ride!"
"Riding this rollercoaster will piss off your parents in a good way!"
"Believe that what I'm saying is cool because we're walking through a non-descript tunnel with a sepia tone and a shaky hand held camera!"
We did this for about ten minutes.
While a lot of commercials that are directed towards middle aged and older adults use one spokesperson who uses a reassuring and calming tone to draw people into their product this commercial (which is aimed at a younger demographic) does something markedly different that I usually see in PSA's telling me not to smoke/drink/screw/whatever. It's simple really: get a group of ethnically diverse teens or 20-somethings and have them all say the same thing while the camera pans around and fades between the eventually indistinguishable youths. I guess it helps reinforce that all the cool kids are riding rollercoasters and the best way to fit in (which is the main goal of every kid and teen even when they're trying to be an individual). The best part of this technique is that you only need a tenth of script you usually need for a commercial. Just come up with three lines of dialogue and have the actors repeat it for thiry seconds. Seriously, they end up just repeating each other. Its kind of like if Lil' Jon wrote a song about rollercoasters. I can't wait to see how that dance is performed.
Now, the basic message of this commercial seems to be "Ride our roller coasters or else you pussy!" Which is certainly very direct approach. By smacking the viewer in the face they're hoping to remind the viewer that "Yes, I like rollercoasters and these people are telling me that because this is so, I am a bad-ass. Moreover people who perhaps don't like rollercoasters are worthy of my mistrust disdain and most likely of a disagreeable sexual orientation "
Yes, rollercoasters are extreme. Extremity comes in degrees however and it seems like this commercial is trying to come up with a concrete placement on the extremity scale. If we suppose that pet therapy with kittens at the local nursing home is at the bottom of the extremity scale and climbing mount everest during the dead of winter without oxygen and naked is at the top then riding a rollercoaster is certainly somewhere north of hanging out at base camp. Thinking about different things that the Ride Warriors could say is less extreme than a roller coaster. This led to a fun exercise my girlfriend tried out while driving around where we yelled out things less extreme than bad-ass worthy roller coasters:
"You'll think sex is overrated after these four loops of fury!"
"Like drugs? You won't anymore after the high you get from this ride!"
"Riding this rollercoaster will piss off your parents in a good way!"
"Believe that what I'm saying is cool because we're walking through a non-descript tunnel with a sepia tone and a shaky hand held camera!"
We did this for about ten minutes.
While a lot of commercials that are directed towards middle aged and older adults use one spokesperson who uses a reassuring and calming tone to draw people into their product this commercial (which is aimed at a younger demographic) does something markedly different that I usually see in PSA's telling me not to smoke/drink/screw/whatever. It's simple really: get a group of ethnically diverse teens or 20-somethings and have them all say the same thing while the camera pans around and fades between the eventually indistinguishable youths. I guess it helps reinforce that all the cool kids are riding rollercoasters and the best way to fit in (which is the main goal of every kid and teen even when they're trying to be an individual). The best part of this technique is that you only need a tenth of script you usually need for a commercial. Just come up with three lines of dialogue and have the actors repeat it for thiry seconds. Seriously, they end up just repeating each other. Its kind of like if Lil' Jon wrote a song about rollercoasters. I can't wait to see how that dance is performed.
Introductions et. al.
Hello,
My name is Canaan Merchant and I like to watch commercials. I'm also a 22 year old (as of 2009) english student at George Mason University. I don't have many hobbies but I like to listen to music, play it when the opportunity arises, see if there is a wikipedia article about every little thing I come across and urban planning. From time to time I'll write about those things, this is my blog with which to indulge in my vanity after all, but mainly I want to talk about commercials. I think people often look past commercials and disregard them merely using them as a break to pee or get a sandwich. I instead have asked "why do I have to bored during this time? Can't there be a way for me to engage with these commercials that goes beyond me seeing what they are trying to sell and and me simply buying it?" This then, is my attempt. I'm going to talk about the commercials that I watch and I'll try to see if there isn't anything more to discern. This blog is meant to be light hearted though. I'll mainly write about what I think is funny and not about sticking to the man that is Corporate America (Though I think by exposing the absurd I'll probably be a little subversive like it or not). So if you're looking for a friend to rail against the evil capitalist empire with then I'm probably not the best candidate. That said I hope this can work out and we can begin enjoying commercials. Whether advertisers like it or not.
My name is Canaan Merchant and I like to watch commercials. I'm also a 22 year old (as of 2009) english student at George Mason University. I don't have many hobbies but I like to listen to music, play it when the opportunity arises, see if there is a wikipedia article about every little thing I come across and urban planning. From time to time I'll write about those things, this is my blog with which to indulge in my vanity after all, but mainly I want to talk about commercials. I think people often look past commercials and disregard them merely using them as a break to pee or get a sandwich. I instead have asked "why do I have to bored during this time? Can't there be a way for me to engage with these commercials that goes beyond me seeing what they are trying to sell and and me simply buying it?" This then, is my attempt. I'm going to talk about the commercials that I watch and I'll try to see if there isn't anything more to discern. This blog is meant to be light hearted though. I'll mainly write about what I think is funny and not about sticking to the man that is Corporate America (Though I think by exposing the absurd I'll probably be a little subversive like it or not). So if you're looking for a friend to rail against the evil capitalist empire with then I'm probably not the best candidate. That said I hope this can work out and we can begin enjoying commercials. Whether advertisers like it or not.
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